Saturday, 28 March 2009

  • Facing Reality

    Went and visited grandma and grandpa in the nursing home today.  Grandma's been there about a week now, and grandpa went earlier this week.  They have their own room and it's starting to look homey and cozy, but it pains me that they have to be there at all.  Grandma's memory problems are getting worse.  Grandpa told me that this morning grandma asked him how many kids they have.  And he's had to explain to her several times why they are in the home and why they can't go home.  He is very worried about her.  Then, this evening, Del says, I know you don't want to talk about this, but we need to go see your grandparents everyday, because your grandma doesn't have much time left and when it happens it will happen quick.  So that brought on the water-works.

    Grandma and grandpa helped raise me and my sister, they are largely responsible for our Christianity, and when I moved away to go to college (with little Ashley in tow), they sold their home and land and moved into an apartment in the same complex where Ashley and I were moving to.  They watched her while I went to school, now she's all grown up and has her own baby, who isn't old enough to know grandma & grandpa very well, but could if Ashley would visit them more often.  I wish she would.

    Work really sucks tonight.  It'd be better if I had been able to sleep yesterday, but 4 hours doesn't cut it.  I'm so tired, but Doc is not sleeping, so he's up every 45 min to 1 hour, so I can't even sneak a nap.  I don't understand how someone who takes 2 RX sleeping pills and 2 OTC rapid release sleeping pills can't fucking sleep.  He seems to sleep fine between bedtime at around 9pm until I get here at 11, then he's up and down all fucking night, then he sleeps fine after 7am when I leave until about 11 or noon.  I don't know what it is about the hours between 11p and 7a but he just can't or won't sleep.  Drives me nuts!

    And next month I have to go to 4 nights a week rather than just 2 because Barbara has to have her back surgery (again--which she wouldn't need in the first place if she hadn't doctor-shopped around last year until she found a butcher willing to work on her back so she could get pain pills) and will be out at least 3 months, then she starts her dental assistant internship, so she prob won't come back to work at all.  Which doesn't hurt my feelings and we need the extra money, but I hate working 2 nights a week and now I have to double that.

    I screwed up and drank a 5-hour energy drink tonight, knowing it would make my heart race without giving me any extra energy or make me any less tired.  I haven't drank any in a long time, because they do this to me, but I was soooo tired tonight I thought maybe it would help.  Well, it hasn't. 

    I guess I better do my chores for the night.  Yay

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